My First Thanksgiving Without You

Getting ready for the first Thanksgiving after Curtis died has been very, very hard. The loss of my husband and my best friend is still new and raw. How can I possibly celebrate the holiday without him being among us, making horrible puns and telling his goofy jokes? How could I face the ham baking we had always done together the night before Christmas arrived? How can I go on?

Of course, I must go on, as people do. This year our conversation will be more subdued than usual but we will be aware of the empty chair at our table. The absence of our once-upon-a-time-rock cannot be denied.

My memories of Curtis along with others, who have passed, will be laced with humor and nostalgia. The relationships with the person who once occupied the empty chair will continue in our shared stories. I think each time family members meet to celebrate the Christmas season we will all have a special story about him to share. Perhaps we have all heard the story many times in the past, but this time it will become bittersweet.

Grieving people know they should “move on” – whatever that means – but I am not sure I want to right now, and do not know if I really know how. Those who care about the person in mourning want to be helpful but are equally confused about how to do it.   

For those of you who have lost a loved one within the past year, thinking about the empty chair at the holiday table may intensify grief and bringing: sadness, anger, resentment, and maybe even guilt about the loss and, yes, joy, sweetness, and gratitude that the person was in your life. For those who care about the grieving person, it can be difficult to know how best to honor the loved one without contributing extra pain. There just does not seem to be a way to get through the holidays without pain…

What I would like to do is join Rip Van-Winkle and lay down for a nice long nap. About sixty days long to be exact. However, I cannot do that! There are children looking forward to spending Thanksgiving at Nana’s house. There is a bird to cook, vegetables to prepare, and apple pie to be cut and served. There are some children all excited to be sitting at the big table this year and we cannot let them down. Their papa would not hear of that.  Therefore, the table will be spread, and the blessing will be said. The empty chair at the table will be a reminder that the head of our household will be celebrating Thanksgiving in Heaven this year. I think He has been celebrating his Thanksgiving for the past seven months and it will continue for an eternity. That is the way I see it

Walk with God,
Mary Frances King